Requiem For The Dreamed

Fan Fiction » Mini series » Requiem For The Dreamed
http://nmsim.proboards88.com/index.cgi?board=hellimini&action=display&thread=1189888606


Requiem For The Dreamed
Post by Kelly Alecia "Star Girl" Lisa on Sept 15, 2007, 3:36pm

Requiem For The Dreamed

Cover Description: A girl who looks like Kelly bar the brightness trapped in a jar, sitting down at the bottom of it and banging against one of the walls.

Note: So, this was actually meant to be posted right after the Good Girls Never Die mini (the last issue of which I still can't find >_>), but I lost it. I just happened by it right now, so I though, hey, why not post it?

***

This is the story of a girl.

This isn’t a fairy tale. It isn’t a love story. It isn’t a tale for the ages. There is no happy ending for this girl. There never was. Happiness isn’t something she has ever known. Not even when she got what she wanted most in the world. She can fake it, though. The girl is a good actress. She always has been.

She could see them in her mind’s eye. Always. She wanted out, but there was no way for it… and nowhere that she could go. It didn’t make sense. It wouldn’t make sense, and it wouldn’t let her make sense of it. It just wasn’t fair. But what was?

God didn’t love her. She was sure of it. She knew there would be those who would tell her otherwise. Those that would tell her that she was wrong. That God loves everyone. She used to be hidden inside someone who would have told her this if she could. But that girl wasn’t there anymore. Despite herself, despite what she knew and despite everything she had ever felt about that girl… right now she almost wished that girl was there right now. If nothing else, then she could blame her for her misery.

But Lisa wasn’t sure that was on her mind right now.

In the back of her head… in her mind’s eye, she could see them. She could see the people who that girl missed most. The people who would have made that girl feel better if she was around them.

Kelly.

The name dripped off of her tongue – well, her mind’s tongue – venomously. Wasn’t it Kelly’s fault Lisa was like she was? Wasn’t she to blame? Wasn’t it because Kelly had rejected everything Lisa had become?

Wasn’t it?

A quiet sob left her as she shivered slightly. She just wanted someone who would stop the cold around her. Make her feel warm… make her feel a little happy. A friend. Anything. Anyone.

Wildfire. But Wildfire wasn’t Lisa’s friend. None of them were.

That was why it was so confusing that the only way that Lisa could think of them right now was with a strange sort of… longing. She could even see them. One by one, they passed through her mind and she was sure she could see them. She could just… reach out and touch them… and they would be there. She was sure of it. They had to be. They could make so much of this better. Warmth. Happiness? Maybe… a little love.

Something that Lisa had never known.

She could see Wildfire now. She was certain. She reached out from where she sat… stretching her fingers further to touch her. Just one touch and it would be better.

But she couldn’t reach her, she told herself. She wouldn’t be able to. She would never be able to. They were beyond her. Wildfire was beyond her.

And that was all there was to it, wasn’t it?

***

Wildfire appeared in her own, unique way - a burst of flames, just like when she had her full powers. She hovered for a minute, suspended, then lowered down. Not looking pleased. "Kelly… what are you doing?"

Lisa stared blankly at her for a full minute. Just… stared at her. The first thing that struck her was that Wildfire had, essentially, just appeared out of nowhere. The second thing was the flame that surrounded her as she appeared. And the last thing that struck her was how utterly impossible it was for Wildfire to be there. Impossible.

And yet, there she was.

Calling Lisa ‘Kelly’. It was the only thing that ruined the moment, in which Lisa gazed at her in wonder. Wildfire seemed like an angel to her for a moment. Perhaps less one of loving mercy and more of fiery judgement, but an angel nonetheless. And is it not within the portents that angels bring that we find our salvation? Something crossed Lisa’s mind. Something she wasn’t used to. Maybe she could call it hope – a moment of it, at the least. But the concept was so alien to her that she dismissed the notion immediately.

And still, that name rested in her thoughts after being called it.

How distasteful.

She exposed her arms, pushing them towards Wildfire, showing her the bare wrists.

“Chained. I’m chained. And you’ve come here to save me?”

Maybe she could hope.

"Maybe. Why would I do something like that…I'm a friend of Kelly. But you…"

“And I’m not her, is that what you’re saying?” Lisa asked. Clasping her hands together, she pulled them to her chest and looked Wildfire in the eyes.

“That much is true, at least.”

"So why should I help you…that's the question. Even given everything that's transpired…why can't I simply consign you to the darkness?"

Lisa buried her head in her hands for a moment before looking back up at her.

“If you knew what I’ve done, you probably would. Then again… no, maybe not. I’m not sure. Would the lives of a couple of dozen people, a friend and some ‘demigods’ matter to you? I don’t know… I’m not the one that knows you. I don’t even know how you’re here.”

Scooping up the sand that lay on the floor of her cell, she let it sprinkle out of her hand and back down onto the floor. She looked back at Wildfire, studying the firm expression on her face. Her gaze wavered for a moment, and then she brought it down to the floor, hoping that Wildfire hadn’t caught the weakness she had let seep into her own eyes.

“Maybe you should. The darkness would be a reflection at the least…” she muttered. She closed a hand into a fist, staring at it.

“I need someone to help me…” she whispered inaudibly.

"If you know anything about me, you should know that I condone the taking of life." Wildfire sat in the sand, cross-legged and cool. "When there's a reason for it. What was your reason?"

"Rage. Hatred. Injustice," Lisa told her flatly.

"Injustice…that's vague."

"Isn't it just?" she sighed more than said. "You'd prefer me to be plainer?"

"This is a specific situation - you couldn't possibly expect me to do something that would affect Kelly without knowing the reasoning, now would you?"

With an arched eyebrow, Lisa looked back up at Wildfire again.

"Not much that can affect her now…" she sighed again and drew a line in the sand. "Specifics? I killed the girl because… when I was made, she pushed me away as quickly as she could and with as much force as she could - her friends helped her with that."

She drew a circle beyond the line and then a tiny circle trapped inside that.

"Even her light couldn't do it when I was made. I was too strong. They got someone else's light to do it for her." Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply before opening them again. She looked at Wildfire with her shining eyes and wiped them, turning back to the circle.

"It burned. It hurt. Then again, you know a thing or two about burning…"

Wiping out the circle and scattering the sand, she sat silently for a moment before choosing to speak again.

"And then I saw everything shining full of happiness… fresh, even, full lives. I hated them for it - they had something I'd never been allowed. The chance was stolen from me. Isn't that what injustice is? I couldn't stand it, so I ended it. Over and over again."

A sun was what she drew in the sand next. It only stayed there for a moment before she scattered it without even looking at it.

"They gave me a chance to turn it away. The hate - I could change things so that there wouldn't be a need for it. A need for me. I could do that and then I could burn away. So I killed a few more for them…"

Lisa looked up at Wildfire, her face expressionless.

"There's your reason."

"I see…you seem like a figment of someone else's imagination, honestly. If Kelly, the real Kelly, really is gone…then I suppose I should help you. But you know, you have to know…you won't be welcome in the real world."

"I'm not a figment of anyone's imagination," Lisa hissed.

"Oh? Prove me wrong, then."

A look of exasperation came over Lisa’s face as she threw her hands up in the air in mock resignation. She was tired, and weak. If she wasn’t so grateful for the company, she would have just ignored Wildfire.

“How, pray tell, does one prove they aren’t a ‘figment of someone else’s imagination’?”

Wildfire just shrugged. "I was hoping you might have some inkling on that. The last time there was a similar situation that I was aware of, the Earth was nearly destroyed by Apocalypse. You understand my apprehenson."

Lisa was confused, and she showed it. She swept the sand back and forth as she thought. Pushing the sand slightly too vigorously, it kicked up into the air, throwing her into a coughing fit. As it settled, she responded.

“Oh. Oh, I think I know what you’re talking about. Little grey girl, stubs on her forehead, black eyes? Rock lass, or mad lass, or whatever her name was? This really is nothing like that… I don’t know, didn’t she tell something to Kelly about the other thing being her, or a part of her or something?”

She let out a short, bitter laugh.

“I’m not a part of Kelly. Far from it. If you think I’m her, or a part of her, or anything like her… well, you’re very wrong.” She paused before continuing, sweeping some sand off of her shoulder.

“I find it rich that you’re calling me a figment of someone’s imagination, though… you, the person who can’t be real. Who can’t really be here.”

You have a point there, I'll concede you that." Wildfire lay back in the sand. "Which brings us back to the original point. Even if you are real, what do you expect me to do?"

Lisa chose to ignore the question for the moment. Not because she was flat out refusing to answer it, but because she was thinking about the answer. Instead, she had one of her own to ask.

The very nature of the girl whose existence Lisa couldn’t go five minutes without being reminded of was based on her friends. She lost all she had and then started anew, building everything she would gain from those people. Wildfire was one of the most important. Lisa never had anything to begin with, but now, at the least, she had life. But she didn’t know how to build from that…

Wildfire…

“You and that japanese girl, you gave her strength when she needed it. She admired everything about you, you know. Why was that?”

She needed to learn…

“Why she admired me?" Wildfire shrugged, looking quite puzzled herself. "I honestly have no idea. I was with her during tougher times, tried to help her, and she comforted me during my own rough patches…but I never understood what I did to deserve admiration."

Lisa couldn’t accept that Wildfire had no clue. Or maybe that was just it… And still, that left her somewhere slightly worse than where she started. If Wildfire didn’t know, then could she help Lisa too? Maybe not.

Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe she didn’t deserve the help, anyway.

Lisa lifted a hand tentatively and placed it on Wildfire’s arm.

“Have you- have you ever regretted a kill…? Maybe not then, but… after? Are you supposed to? Or can you just do it without thinking, without- without anything else coming to…” she trailed off and pulled her hand back as it started to burn.

"The only thing I regret is that I have no regrets." Wildfire grew quiet for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. Thoughts within thoughts. "There have been people I remember killing. Special cases. But mostly, it's all a blur…and even for the more specific cases, all I can think of are faces and words. They hold no meaning to me."

Lisa drummed her fingers on the floor as she took in Wildfire’s words.

“I thought that maybe… maybe those who can do it aren’t supposed to regret it. To be able to regret it. I mean, it’s easy, right? One slash, one snap… so easy. Doesn’t matter… the face is shunted into the back of your head. For a little while, at least. But it stays there. They all do. And their names… I could tell you any one of them. Complete strangers, some of them, and I know their names still. The look on their face, the sound it makes, their name…” she paused for a moment, just to breathe out as she tried to compose herself.

“When a child’s skull splits open… it makes a dull crack with another noise mixed in, like… like something’s been pulped. A wet noise. Their eyes, if they’re still conscious, roll, but not into the back of their head. You can see the red just underneath what would normally be visible. A sort of a… low, raspy groan with it. And a whimper – a mewling. It just – it freezes you onto the spot… and then they take one more breath, and it whips through the air, accompanied by a rattle…” she was close to tears.

“It doesn’t stay in the back of your head for long. At least, it didn’t in mine. And you can’t forget it… it just stays there… No regrets. No regrets. Not supposed to ever, ever have any regrets.”

Regrets were weakness. Regrets opened her up to fear. She wouldn’t accept them and she wouldn’t let them accept her. But she couldn’t escape them on her own. They wouldn’t let her. She needed another way.

Another way.

"It's never easy. Or at least, it shouldn't be." Wildfire looked away herself, breaking eye contact. "If you think the sound of child's skull splitting is something, you should hear the sound of one burning - it's no more pleasant. I don't have any tears to shed for them, though - no matter how hard I try, I just can't care." She sighed. "Maybe I'm the one who belongs in the darkness."

Lisa laughed slightly, practically choking on it.

“Darkness is easy. So’s hiding in it, resigning to it and condemning others to it. Finding your way out is hard… I’m stuck here, Wildfire. I’m stuck here between dieties and in their wars, and I can’t get out. Not on my own.”

Burying her head in her hands again, her breaths became shallow and harsh.

“God, I’m doing my best to not care… I can’t care, it doesn’t work like that… I shouldn’t…”

“You’re hopeless,” Wildfire responded with a faint sigh, the image shimmering lightly before fading away.

***
As Wildfire faded, Meghan appeared. Lisa's world shifted and span suddenly, until it seemed like they were back at the Hellfire Club, in Meghan's Room.

"Hey, Kelly."

They weren't actually there. These people popping in and out… they weren't actually there. They had to be out of the back of her mind, right? Something like that. And yet, even though they were coming out of her own mind, she couldn't escape that god damn name. It wasn't enough that everything else in the world had to remind her of it, but her own mind had to remind her too.

Kelly.

God damn that girl. God damn her.

Lisa lifted her head slightly and looked at Meghan before dropping it. If she had the strength to keep her head lifted, she might have… what? Smiled at Meghan? Glared at her? Spat at her?

She stared at the floor, too weak to lift her head again for the moment.

"I think you have me confused with someone else."

"I don't think I do. I know Kelly when I see her. Even if you want to try to be someone else… you're still Kelly, to some extent," Meghan smiled.

Even with how tired she was, Lisa forced her head up to look at Meghan again, and made her choice. It was a glare. A brief one, but the sentiment was there.

And yet, she wanted to be anywhere but there. Escapism laid heavily on her mind as she searched for a way out. She wasn't granted the reprieve that she longed for so wilfully. Meghan was still there. And Lisa still had to face up to her, and everything else she brought with her.

"Do you know what I've done? Don't compare me to her. Kelly's dead. I'm still here. That's what matters."

"I think you're wrong. Kelly is still alive inside you. No matter what you do to get rid of her, she's always going to be there. Kelly is pure, and you can't just get rid of something so pure."

Trailing the floor with her gaze, Lisa remained silent for a moment. She would have much preferred for the Qlippoth to just outright punish her. Heck, maybe they were. Maybe this was the punishment for her failures. But that was not all it was. It wasn't just punishment. It was torture.

"I don't want to hear this," she said quietly, still staring at the floor.

"That's too bad, because you're my friend, Kelly. I'm not going to stand idly by and watch you destroy yourself."

This wasn't helping. This wasn't helping at all. She didn't know what she was. Not really. And all she knew right now was that she wanted out. Away from the Qlippoth. Away from everything running out of her head. But that was the crux of the matter, wasn't it? She couldn't get away from her own head. There was only one way to do that.

If it came to that… would she be willing? She had to wonder…

"Too bad? No. What's too bad is that you don't realise that I'm not Kelly. I'm not your friend," she snarled. "And… and I'm already destroyed…" her tone softened and the last few words came out almost inaudibly, as she did her best to stifle another noise that sounded almost like a sob.

"You are Kelly. At least, part of you is. I refuse to believe that you're destroyed. There's so much left to your life. You'll be fine as long as you don't give in. You need to fight for your life. Kelly, we're all rooting for you."

Lisa opened her mouth to argue back, but just closed it instead and continued staring at the ground.

"I hate you." The tone was impassive. There was no feeling behind the words. As a result, they were completely meaningless.

All Lisa had ever been was a mass of negative emotion. That's what she consisted of. But if she couldn't even express that, then what was she?

Maybe nothing. And if she was nothing, then that meant she could end herself quietly and meaninglessly. Ironic. The first life she'd be saving would be her own. By ending it.

"I don't believe that for a second,” Meghan said.

"Maybe you should," Lisa replied curtly. She wished she would, at least. It would make so much more sense. Things would be so much easier… if she could just hate them all, and have them all hate her right back. They should have hated her, at the least.

Why wouldn't Meghan hate her?

It was maddening.

"It's not going to happen. I'm your friend, even if you don't want to admit it."

Meghan wasn't even really there. She couldn’t have been. So why wouldn't she shut up? Why wouldn't she just shut the hell up? If she was really there, then Lisa could have made her shut up by now, Lisa thought. It would have been so much easier. But this was from Lisa’s own mind… right? It had to be. So why would she be saying things like this? Unless this was the Qlippoth’s fault, too.

Friend.

The word was almost meaningless to Lisa. She was almost certain that she was better off that way. That she was happier that way. Friends were weaknesses. Something that she didn't need. Something that she would never need. Friends would only drag her down.

Lisa didn't like lying. It was distasteful, and beneath her. But it seemed like a lie was appropriate here. That it might be the only thing that would work.

Her lips twisted into a knowing smirk as she looked up at Meghan again.

"You really don't know, do you? You never realised? Of course, she never did tell you… Kelly hates you, too. So much. She despises you. Frankly, I don't get what the big fuss is about. I mean, I hate you too, but for different reasons. What you did… I just thought it was funny, really." The tone was no longer impassive. It was twisted. Sharp. Biting.

Bingo.

Meghan didn't seem phased by Lisa's words.

"That's not true. You already forgave me for what happened."

Meghan smiled again.

"You don't hate me, Kelly."

Lisa didn’t miss a beat, and didn’t let her annoyance slip into her voice..

"Simple facts, babe. You're saying I'm Kelly, right? Kelly doesn't lie. No two ways about it."

"Anyone can lie. I don't see why you're intent on this path of self destruction, but I'm intent on stopping you. I won't lose you again."

Lisa shook her head slightly.

"You're a killjoy, you know that?"

Only works when there's any joy to kill, though. Confusion set in as Lisa started to think past the point, and back onto what she had been considering before she tried to use lies to divert herself.

Well. That would be assuming that confusion hadn't already been present. It had been there all the time. She had just spent most of her time ignoring it. Because if she didn't ignore it, she would have to look at herself… and decide what path to take. Having someone else make that decision for her was so much easier.

She knew why she needed that. It was because she was inherently weak. But this girl needed another way. And she was starting to see the doorway.

She could see the door creaking open, and then resting open. Just a crack, though. It was enough for some light to shine through. Instinctively, she would recoil from the light. She would try to hide away from it.

Instinctively, she would pretend to abhor it. Really, she was just as much a part of the light as she was a part of the shadow. Which left her torn. Half in Kelly's world, and half in Erebus'. She had just to make the decisions of which way to go…

Unfortunately, she was scared of going through the door. And she couldn't, anyway, as long as she was with the Qlippoth. At least, that was what she told herself. But the prospect of going out into the world of the light frightened her.

But she was wasting in the world of the shadow. It was eating at her, and destroying her.

This girl couldn't see a way through.

After a long stretch of silence, she spoke again, quietly. Almost inaudibly so. "Help me…"

Meghan looked at her sadly.

"I can't help you…you have to do that on your own."

Meghan faded away, her final words lingering for a few moments after she vanished.

"I know you can do it. I believe in you."

“Doesn’t really matter what you believe,” Lisa muttered to herself. “Doesn’t matter what any of you believe.”

***

"Your hair looks pretty, Kelly," Kidd said as she appeared before the girl, looking as healthy as ever, but oddly, garbed in the same clothes that she was buried in. "Thanks for making sure they buried me in something nice. Oh, and for having them do my hair too. I mean, the 'do really wasn't my style, which is why I'm not wearing it, but it was totally nice of you to make sure they did that." She levitated around Lisa for a few moments, examining her, before taking a seat on the ground next to her.

"So what's up?"

Lisa stared at her blankly for a moment. Even the Qlippoth couldn't be that cruel… Even those monsters weren't that evil.

But by all rights, she shouldn't have even cared. Kidd appearing shouldn't have bothered her in the least. She was Kelly's friend, not Lisa's. Kelly's. And that made all the difference. Kidd didn't mean a thing to her. Not a thing.

A tear hit the floor.

God damn it.

That, it appeared, was precisely the case.

"Kidd?" Lisa asked weakly.

The apparition smiled.

"The one and only, unless you count that bitch from Chrono Cross…which I've never gotten to play. Damn it all," a giggle escaped her lips as she notices the tears falling from Lisa's face.

"Why so blue? You can still go get a copy of Chrono Cross. It'd be like, ten dollars…"


Re: Requiem For The Dreamed
Post by Kelly Alecia "Star Girl" Lisa on Sept 15, 2007, 3:37pm

"You're- you're-" Tired, weak and depressed, Lisa forgot herself for a moment and jumped to her feet, trying to hug Kidd. Passing right through her, she stumbled forwards and crashed to the ground.

"I'd help you up, but…you know…" Kidd sighed as she looked over at Lisa. "…I'm much to pretty for something that menial. Oh, and I'm pretty sure I'm dead or something like that, too. You guys know how I died right? I mean, I get that I can't come back and all, but I would if only to tell you guys I went out fighting one of the baddest mothers on the planet. Couldn't even take me alone, he needed help from that flaming red skinned guy."

Wiping another few tears away from her eyes, Lisa grinned.

"You are too pretty for something this menial. Yeah, we- we know how you died. That bastard Magneto…"

Kelly's friend, not Lisa's. That made all the difference, huh? It didn't make any difference. It didn't change a damn thing about how Lisa saw Kidd at that moment.

But it did change everything about how Lisa saw herself.

"So. You mind telling me why you're not the same person you were when I left?” Kidd asked. “Something about you is off."

Pulling the hair out from in front of her eyes, she stared at Kidd for a moment before responding. There was no way that Kidd was just a hallucination there… no way. That didn't make any sense. But at the same time, she couldn't be real.

God, I hate the Qlippoth.

"I'm not Kelly…"

Kidd gave Lisa an off glance before dropping her head into her hands.

"So we're playing that game, huh? Oooh. Let's both Role-play as Meghan and just whore it up. Tokyo? Vegas? Either's fine." The expression on her face remained oddly blank.

"Seriously, details."

Just like Kidd. Lisa continued simply staring at her. With Meghan, her emotions had been muted. But with Kidd… she was clearly feeling affection for her. And that made absolutely no sense.

"You always did love Vegas more, didn't you? Though I'm not sure I could fit the Meghan role particularly well," Lisa told her in response.

Lisa wasn't even sure that she could feel affection. She didn't really know how. She didn’t even know if she should have known how. That meant that she could have just been confusing it with something else entirely. She was sure of it. If she hadn't known better, she would have thought it possible that she might have actually loved Kidd.

Fortunately for me, I do know better.

"Details?" she sighed slightly. Why did she have to keep on telling them? Surely they would know anyway? Which, again, led Lisa back to the Qlippoth. Still, she felt a bit like a broken record. "Kelly - your friend - is dead. My name is Lisa. Don't ask who I am beyond that. I don't really know. I don't know much beyond the fact that I'm… different."

"You've always been a bad liar, Kelly," Kidd laughed. "If Kelly was dead, I'd know. She and I would be kicking back with the Dark Lord, wearing Princess Leia slave outfits and serving cocktails. Kelly's alive. You're Kelly, or at least, some of you should be. That's what the problem here is, I'm thinking. You hate Kelly don't you?" Kidd took a moment’s pause before continuing.

"I used to hate her too, sometimes. She was just an overbearing big-sister figure sometimes, but damn it, I needed that, and no matter what, I loved her really. I needed that, and she needed something to be an overbearing big-sister figure too (maybe just me specifically) and I went and died on her and it's probably my fault that you're prancing around now instead of her in her entirety."

Kidd stood up and pointed at Lisa.

"Let me talk to Kelly."

Lisa made sure not to look at Kidd as she placed her face in her hands in desperation.

"What's wrong with you people? Why don't you get it? I can pretend to be her. I have, a couple of times. But. I. Am not. Kelly." The words were muffled by the palms of her hands.

"If I was- If- well-" tears started streaming into her hands, and they were, for the most part, hidden by the palms.

"If you were Kelly you'd adamantly defend being Kelly, the way she adamantly defended any claims raised against anything at all. That's how she was," Kidd sighed.

"If you're not Kelly, then why am I here?"

Lisa moved the hands away from my eyes and looked at Kidd again.

"I don't know. I don't know why any of you are here. I- I think… to punish me…"

"That might be right," Kidd smiled. "If you had anything to do with Kelly's death then that's what I'll do for however long I've got to. I'll stand here and punish you."

Lisa's gaze trailed away from Kidd. She had to look somewhere else. Anywhere but at Kidd.

She could just lie. It wasn't like Kidd would know, was it? It wasn't like she could tell… and this was Kidd… Lisa didn't want her mad at her, no matter how much she deserved it.

"I didn't," Lisa replied quietly.

"Look me in the eye and said that again, Kelly," Kidd demanded firmly.

"Don't call me that," she told Kidd in the same quiet, soft tone. Locking her gaze with Kidd's, her eyes strayed slightly for a moment. Almost imperceptibly so. "I didn't."

"I don't believe you.” She sighed and looked down for a moment before looking back at Lisa. “Let the punishment commence." She cleared her throat and began speaking.

“It occurs to me that, even though I came down earlier when nearly everyone else was gone, I still didn’t come to see you. I’m sorry. I should have… I don’t know what your father’s going to do without you. I tried to tell him you won’t stay away, but he just thought I was crazy…”

“I called you a brute when we met. I was harsh and mean. It wasn’t your fault you were violent and… yes. But I was mean about it anyway. I’m sorry. You would have been so much better off if I didn’t come and find you after you left. After that, all it took was a phone call and you’d come racing to my side to help me in any way that you could. And I still didn’t appreciate you enough. I ran my mouth off and drove you away again. You probably should have stayed away, though. If you had…”

“You were always there for me. You helped me whenever you could, however you could. A million times over, and I never did anything for you. I never paid you back. I wasn’t even that good of a friend to you. But just as many times as you helped me, I let you down. I couldn’t and didn’t help you when you were Gammadrop. I couldn’t and didn’t help you when you needed it, here. And I couldn’t and didn’t help you when Magneto…”

"Any of that sounding familiar?" Kidd asked, her tone almost mocking and sing-songy. "Oh, how 'bout this next part?"

“No more. This time I’m going to help you. I’m sorry, Kidd. You deserved so much more than this. And you’re going to finally get what you deserve.” She finished, hoping Lisa noticed the words she put extra emphasis on.

"Is this what I deserve? Tell me, damn it."

Tears were flowing freely from Lisa's eyes when she shut them tightly and covered her ears.

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! I'm sorry, alright! I'm so sorry… You're right. You don't deserve this. But please stop… I can't take this… I can't."

"Try a peaceful one. After living the life she deserved. That's what she should have had. Not this," Kidd continued.

"You know what made my death bearable, Kelly?" she shouted. "I got to see my mother! I got to see your mother! Your whole family! And it was perfect and we wanted for nothing except for you. We were in paradise and all we could think about was the day you'd come home to us, but not in a morbid way. We wanted you to live a happy life, to come home to us and share in the indescribable perfection that is Heaven…and now I'm ripped away from all that…with you telling me that Kelly is gone, but she's not, because she's not home!"

Kidd grabbed Lisa by her throat and with a quick movement of her arm began slapping Lisa repeatedly, with the palm of her hand on one side of Lisa's face, and then the back of her hand on the other.

"If you sent her to Hell, tell me, and I'll be done with you! If she's still inside there somewhere, tell me, and I'll be done with you!" she screamed. "Where did you put my sister?!"

Not struggling in the least, Lisa choked out a strained response. "I don't know. I was left in her from that Erebus thing, but I only came near being whole after your died. It was the negative emotions. I grew from them. I split off from inside her recently and- and- and we fought. She's not in me. Hell or Purgatory, take your pick."

She paused for a moment after a particularly vicious slap from Kidd. Wincing, she stared Kidd in the eye with a pleading look in her own eyes.

"She's the one you should blame… she's the one who failed you, not me… not me…"

Kidd slapped Lisa again before tossing her viciously onto the ground. She hit the ground and slid slightly, stopping when she hit the stone wall.

"You're right, Kelly did fail me, but not in the way you think. All she had to do was move on, have a bunch of freaky little kids with Wreck, and maybe save the world a few times. That's all I wanted from her. And what did I get?" she asked, kicking Lisa in the stomach, prompting a sudden gasp and mewling of pain. "I got you, Kelly. Something corrupt, and wrong, and evil," she said, kicking Lisa again.

Kidd knelt down and looked at her best friend's doppelganger, smiling.

"I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you, and then I'll go straight to Hell. You'll be there too, of course, and we'll keep playing this little game. Of course, the scoring round will last for all of eternity, but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how fresh the game can stay."

"Don't," Lisa gasped as blood oozed out of her mouth. "Don't call me Kelly. Please." Clutching her side with one hand, she tried to get up again.

"And don't kill me. You don’t- don't deserve to go to hell. I can do it myself. As soon as I get away from these Qlippoth bastards, I can do it myself. I'm sure of it."

Losing her balance again and falling over backwards, she hit the floor again, hard, still clutching her side.

"I'm sorry. All she ever wanted was to see you again. Looks like I'm the one out of the two of us who lucked out…"

Lisa was kicked in the face as she trailed off with her words.

"Silence," Kidd barked. "If anything, you're the lucky one. I can't kill you, you look too much like her. So you get to go own living, and in the end that's probably better than whatever it is that's happened to her."

“I meant that I was the lucky one…”

Damn it.

“I suppose beating me senseless is more fun than killing me, anyway. But better off? You’ve got to be kidding.”

"Heh, guess my English comprehension could still use some work." Kidd turned and began moving away from Lisa. "Go home, back to the mansion or wherever it is you call home. Go back home, and remember that when it was all said and done…remember that I hated you, Kelly."

“You and me both,” she replied bitterly. “But god damn it, don’t call me Kelly! My name is Lisa! Lisa, Lisa, Lisa!”

Just another type of punishment. Just another form of torture. Lisa wasn’t going to take it anymore.

“You know what? I loathed her! I hated everything she was! And do you know the main reason why? It was because she had the life I couldn’t! And because all it would have taken was one bad day, and she might have been just. Like. Me!” Lisa shouted at Kidd.

"Boo-fucking-hoo, Kelly," Kidd laughed. "Wow, one bad day made you a gigantic bitch. You know what one bad day did to me?" She asked, vanishing.

Suddenly, a gigantic green hand was clenching most of Lisa's upper body and squeezing.

" One bad day did this to me, but you don't see my having my period over it. Shut the fuck up and deal with it ," she wrapped her other hand around Lisa's legs and began pulling. " Ready to have another bad day? "

Screaming in pain, Lisa still managed to get what she wanted to say out. “Don’t call me Kelly!” She pushed out against the hand, trying to free herself, but failing miserably.

“It didn’t take one bad day to ruin me!” she gasped. “It took a horrible conception from something that represented evil, and only evil! It took every bad thing that happened to everyone around that stupid girl, including your death! It took being shunted into the back of someone’s mind and ignored! Kept away! It took a horrible existence.”

Despite the pain racking her body, she managed a slight smile, strained though it was.

“All I’m saying… is that for her, it would have taken just one bad day, and she would have broken. She would have been like me.”

" Explain it to someone who cares, Kelly ," Kidd grunted, each of her words perfectly syncing with the sound of one of her captive's bones snapping.

" Kelly ."

Another bone broke.

" Kelly ."

And another.

" Kelly ."

And another.

Lisa struggled, but she couldn’t keep it up. After a few shrieks of pain as she felt her bones snapping, she slumped over, her head drooping onto the top of the hand.

" Pitiful ," she laughed as she dropped Lisa to the floor. " Just pitiful. I can see why you hate her. It's not hard to hate anyone that could ever let something like you exist. But you’re wrong. That’s not the main reason why you hate her. You want to know why? It’s not because one bad day would have made her just like you. It’s because all it would take would be a little selflessness, a little compassion and a little decency, and you could be a little like her. ."

She stepped over Lisa's beaten body and began walking away, back to her normal self, towards a strange and newly formed horizon.

"Goodbye, Kelly."

Lisa lifted her head weakly before collapsing completely.

“Come back Kidd… don’t go… don’t leave me… come back…”

***

Lying there in a heap, a pool of tears began to form on the floor beneath Lisa’s face, and she prayed that it was over.

All prayers are heard, but they aren’t always answered. And often, when they are? The answer is no.

And then Wreck stood there, calmly. His arms folded, he looked down with a blank expression.

"Well, that was entertaining. And informative. You tricked me but good, didn't you?"

He clapped slowly.

"Ha. Ha. Ha."

Lisa didn’t move other than to cover her ears again.

“’S not there, ‘s not there, ‘s not there, oh, god, make it stop, make it stop…” she rambled quietly to herself.

"Yeah, it's not terribly fun when you're the one being tormented, is it?" Wreck asked. The tone of it suggested an honest question that was not in any way mocking.

"I wish I could say I have pity, but you're the one holding the girl I love hostage."

“Don’t have her. Don’t know where she is. Shouldn’t be anywhere.” Steadily losing her coherency, she shifted from lying down to sitting, propped against a wall and wrapping her arms around her legs, rocking slightly and making the tears stop through force of will.

“Go away. You don’t belong here. You’re not real. You’re just trying to trick me.”

"I was never the sort to trick anyone. Too direct."

Wreck drew one of his guns, levelling it at her head.

"So, if she's not in you, then I have no reason not to take petty vengeance and kill you right now. Or, you can tell me otherwise and save your life. You have about three seconds, and then I'm sending you off to play with Kidd for the next millennia or so."

Lying would have been pointless. Kidd knew that she had been lying. She wasn't any good at it. That much was an unfortunate affect of Kelly's distaste for lies.

But she wasn't Kelly. If she needed to, then she would lie. But lying to save a life she didn't really want anymore in the first place…

"Go ahead. Shoot."

Wreck tilted his head.

Then fired, only flicking the gun at the last moment so the bullet grazed off of the side of her face. Painful. Cutting a bloody swath. She flinched and let out a gasp as the bullet cut into her skin.

"Darn, I missed. Want to try again?"

A shimmer passed through the air in front of her face, and the wound seemed to be gone. Oddly, the damage Kidd did was still there.

“Leave me alone, leave me alone, LEAVE ME ALONE!” she screeched at him. “Just go away! She’s not here, and I can’t give her to you! Not the real her!”

"I think you know well enough that I'm not going to leave you alone UNTIL I get her back."

Wreck sighed, sitting cross legged upon the ground. He looked at her.

"So, work with me. I'm not Kidd. I really am not going to take much pleasure in sitting here and repeatedly hurting you. But I will do so, from now until when the universe collapses into jello pudding pops, if that's required. You tell me what we do from here."

Tired of all of this, Lisa sneered at him. Tired of seeing Kelly’s friends. Tired of being hurt. She was sure she’d been hurt enough for a lifetime, and she didn’t need anymore.

“Pikne’s temple. You’ll be lucky to find anything but a corpse that’s been crushed almost beyond recognition.”

"Well, I should amend that. I'm willing to be civil with you, but if you're going to grin at me like a hyena, my patience with you is going to vamoose. I have no tolerance for the stupid."

He quickly fired off two more shots, one into each shoulder. She screamed as the bullets tore into her flesh and stopped against the bone.

"Stupidity is having someone who's willing to hear you out, at least somewhat in spite of you deserving no such thing, and choosing to continue to make an enemy of them. Continue being stupid. Go right ahead."

A quiet whimper left her lips as a result of the pain, and she looked up at Wreck for a moment before lowering her head as she doubled over in pain.

“I… can’t… help you… not now… too late…” she mewled. A gasp left her lips as she pushed one of the bullets out of one of her shoulders unthinkingly with a construct, ripping through some more blood vessels. A construct formed around each of her shoulders as tourniquets.

“Stop… it hurts…”

"Perfectly willing to," Wreck said flatly. "But I'm not willing to take 'too late' for an answer, and I'm not leaving until I have an answer that I like. Tough situation, but one that you put yourself into."

A slight smirk crossed her lips again.

“What answer… would you like…?”

"Well, I'd probably like to get to know you better. I'm guessing you have a reason for being the way you are. But I have the feeling you'll just continue to play the 'ooh, look at me, I'm EVIL' game, and as I said, I have zero patience for THAT kind of crap at all. If you don't want friends, I won't waste my time with it. If you REALLY want me as an enemy, then gravy."

Wreck aims the gun at her again.

"I keep throwing opportunities at you to stop being a dumbass. Would you care to catch one already?"

“I don’t want enemies… but I already told you, I can’t give her to you! You could always speak with my bosses… I’m sure they’d be happy to arrange something…” she coughed slightly and blood trickled out of her nose.

Wreck ran a hand along his face tiredly.

"So why are you doing this again? Most folks actually do have reasons for behaving like complete assmunches. It isn't something that just happens."

A sad smile crossed her face as she stared at Wreck's feet rather than look him in the eyes.

"It is if you're made up of negative emotions, and locked inside someone else from the point of your conception… You watch life through them, waiting for your chance to live something like that, and it never comes… the only way it does is through tragedies. That's what makes you, in that case. What makes you real. Tragedy. Death. Suffering. Mourning."

Wreck paused, thinking something over.

"There was that one moment, when you said you were happy. You ran off, saying that you weren't allowed to be happy, or whatever. But….were you? I mean, honestly, outside of the lies. Were you, there and then?"

She looked up for a moment and her eyes locked onto Wreck’s, before she lowered her head quickly, ashamed.

“Yes.”

"Well, there you go. As cornball as it sounds, there are always better things, no matter what crappy position life has thrown you into."

Wreck looked at her, a bit sympathetically.

"I would like to help you out. I don't have the slightest idea how I would do that…..I'm just a dumb guy with gross eyes, not a cosmic voodoo god…..but the gesture is there, if you want to accept it."

She looked up at him again, and stared at him for a moment before reaching towards him slightly with her right arm. Pulling her arm back to her chest, she looked away quickly.

Torture through compassion.

“I don’t think you can help me. You can’t. Why do you even care?”

"Because I see enough of myself in you to know pretty well where you're coming from. You start out on the bottom, and when you realize it, you lash. And then everyone piles on and thinks you're horrible because you're lashing. But was it really your fault? You never ASKED to start out in such a terrible place."

Wreck shook his head.

"So yeah. I care."

Lisa started staring at his feet for a moment, as confusion spread across her face. She sat there silently for a while, until she forced the confusion off of her face and replaced it with a soft smile.

“Heh. You shoot me a couple of times and them offer to help me. Classy. You always shoot a girl on the first date? It’s not very good manners, you know.”

"I have anger management issues. I think you're the last person who should be judging me on that."

Funnily enough, Wreck managed a half-smile as well.

“Probably true,” Lisa replied. “You know, if you all want to keep up these passive aggressive, and in some cases (Kidd), just plain aggressive torture sessions, you might need to start making appointments. There seems to be considerable demand.”

"Like I was trying to tell you earlier, I never wanted to do the torture part," Wreck says with another sigh. "Ever since my little trip to Hell, I want to be reasonable with people. But on the other hand, I do love Kelly, and I'd be a pretty damn crappy boyfriend if I just left her to die. Rock and a hard place."

“Can’t do much about that short of turning back time and all, and… while my power set is fairly impressive, that’s not really a part of it. And being honest, I doubt I’d be particularly inclined to do so even if I could. But, you know, I could do just as well as her… I could be just as good…” Lisa laughed lightly before coughing again.

She dabbed at the side of her mouth with two fingers when she felt something warm but thick in her mouth. Looking at the fingertips, she saw blood dripping off of them.

“Oh.”

Wreck blinked.

Silently, he scooted forward, tilted her head up and kissed her.

"…..ya dumbass. It didn't have to be like this," he said with a shake of the head as he faded away.

Sliding down so that she slowly collapsed all the way back onto the floor, she replied softly and sadly, in a tone that Kelly had often used.

“… yes. It did…”

***


Re: Requiem For The Dreamed
Post by Kelly Alecia "Star Girl" Lisa on Sept 15, 2007, 3:37pm

"You've really made a pear-shaped mess of things haven't you toots?" laughed Dillon as he appeared out of thin air, missing the signature blue flash that usually surrounded his teleports.

"Poor lost little lamb Lisa…" he laughed again. "…I had such high hopes for you…"

“Oh, god, no…” Dabbing the inside of her mouth again and smearing the blood from it onto her dress, she glared at Dillan and quickly put up a façade.

“Come to kick me while I’m down?”

"I'd much rather get in your pants, but with the beatings I'm sure you've been taking, it probably wouldn't be worth the effort or very fun.

"At least not for you. I'd have a blast," he chuckled. "Seriously, you're probably the most disappointing Kelly-related thing I've seen in any time-lime. And I've seen male clones of Kelly, versions of Kelly with no limbs, versions of Kelly that were centaurs, and versions of Kelly that were galaxy destroying Phoenix Force wielders."

“Ta. Nice pep talk. And if I remember right, you had your chance," she smirked. I have to say, your method of punishment is more annoying than tortuous in comparison to the rest,” Lisa replied, trying to rise to her feet, but failing miserably.

She was so tired… she wondered if maintaining a façade was even worth the effort. After all, it wasn’t as if she was speaking with a real person here… was it? She still didn’t really understand it.

But no. She remained resolute. She would maintain it for as long as her will held out. Which, she acknowledged, might not have been very long.

And something dawned on her. “Wait, hopes? Tell me that you’re kidding there…”

"I had a chance? Well damn, guess I missed that…but yes, hopes. Maybe not for you specifically…but…well honestly, I did have high hopes for you, and for Kelly."

"I could always tell that there was something inside her, something that would've let her excel above the rest of us. You. But I never thought you'd become your own person…a very shitty person."

Lisa stifled a laugh at this. “You knew that there was something inside her? You should have ripped it out by the root and squashed it. It’s all a moot point now, anyway…”

A laugh escaped from his mouth. He picked Lisa up by her throat and stared her in the face.

"Never. Never could I have ever destroyed something that had the potential to become so beautiful," he kissed her and tasted the blood from her mouth. "You taste like everything I have ever sought to make this world Lisa, but you're not finished."

"You need Kelly. She needs you. You're her strength and she's your weakness, and you need that. Without your weakness you have nothing to tether you, to keep you grounded. Without that tether I nearly altered the course of human history…"

Lisa spat all of the blood out of her mouth to the side and glared at him..

“I’m strength. That’s all I need.” She was unyielding in her façade. “I don’t need weakness. I don’t need her. And I don’t need anyone who thinks I do.”

She had weakness, and she knew it… she wasn’t willing to admit it to Dillan though, real or not.

He’s right about one thing, though. Kelly was weakness. That’s all she ever was. Lisa told herself.

"Do you really think you can lie to me? Kelly couldn't, and neither can you. Admit it, move on, prosper."

“Kelly was an idiot,” she told him flatly. Hitting his wrist hard, Lisa made him let go and she crumpled back onto the floor. “I don’t like other people being in control. Kelly was an idiot, and I am not. That makes all of the difference. You were on the cusp of changing the world. I am going to change the world. I’m going to systematically remove all of the rage and all of the anger and all of the hate, and then I’m going to remove myself to complete it. And then I’ll win. This is a moot point, but at no part will I ever need Kelly.”

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!" Dillon laughed furiously, falling to his knees and clutching his sides. "Best laugh I've had in millennia, truly." He stood and looked down at Lisa.

"Rage, Anger, Hate. Theses are the fuel on which humanity thrives, to remove them would cause this world to come to a grinding halt. You'd realize this if you would just embrace the rest of you, if you would just embrace Kelly."

"But if death is what you so desire…" he snapped his fingers and at their sides stood three figures, Kidd, Magneto, and Exodus. He turned his back as the figures replayed Kidd's death, over, and over and over.

“Take it away!” she shrieked. “Take it away, take it away, take it away!”

It only took a couple of replays to reduce her to a shivering wreck, curled up on the floor.

“Take it away… please… please…” she mewled. “I can’t- you have to make it stop…”

"Not until you make an admittance," he sighed. "Why have you kept this charade up for so long Lisa? It's futile, truly."

“I can’t- you don’t know me… she’s not a part of me, and I’m not a part of her… reprehensible. The thought’s reprehensible. A parasite… I need to end… but I need to do something – anything to help first… please, make it stop,” she pleaded.

"The only thing you need to do is listen to me damn it!" Dillon shouted. "Find Kelly. It's probably the only thing you can do at this point to give validation to your existence."

“Dead,” she sobbed, shaking her head and staring at the floor so that she couldn’t see Kidd. “Dead.”

"Fix it," he said, vanishing, leaving only the image of death he created to keep Lisa company.

“I can’t…Make it stop, you bastard… I hate you… Make it stop.”

***

A little hole in the wall Meditteranean restaurant in New York City suddenly appears around her, faceless people loudly eating lunch all around. As Lisa brings her head up, she sees Jay Livingston standing over her, offering her his hand.

"You okay, Kell? You sort of passed out there."

The world spinning around her, she took his hand and got to her feet, heavily disoriented. Somewhere in the back of her head, she could feel that this was wrong. She was sure of it. But she wasn’t sure what exactly it was that was wrong…

“Where are we?” she asked, bringing a hand to her forehead, covering her eyes briefly at the same time.

"That's the best part," said Jay with a smile. "It was my option, so I managed to get another date out of it. You know me. When I have an opportunity like that, I have to take it. Try the grape leaves. They're fantastic."

She just gave him a bemused look before taking another look around her. There was something similar about this place – like she had been there before, but she couldn’t remember when, or how.

“Your option? I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

Jay shrugs, and takes his seat.

"I don't understand either, really, but you should know…there are very few things I wouldn't do to make things back like they were then."

Something clicked in the back of her head, and she realised who she was again.

It worried her that she didn’t know if had been a relief to think that she was Kelly, or if it had disgusted her.

“Oh. Oh!” she started laughing. “So. They’re showing me her ‘first love’, huh? I wonder what exactly their trying to do with this…”

After all, it wasn’t as if she had ever had any feelings for him. That was Kelly.

She cut the laughter short when one of the laughs came out as a sob instead, and she sat there silently, surprised at herself.

Jay chuckled slightly himself, but produced his handkerchief the moment a sob is heard, and quietly offered it to her.

"I wish I could say this was my first love, too," Jay said sadly. "Unfortunately, you know, I'm more or less incapable of love."

He looked at Lisa seriously.

"But for Kelly, I wanted to try."

With a manufactured smile, she turned a hand up, turning the handkerchief down.

“No, thank you. So, this time I’m not on a guilt trip, and my failures aren’t being focused on. It’s hers, now. I wonder what exactly they’re trying to accomplish with this…” she trailed off, the last few sentences said to herself. Her smile grew wider and brighter. “So, why didn’t things work?”

I’m going to enjoy this, Lisa told herself. Right…?

Jay quietly slid the handkerchief back into his pocket, and looked at Lisa appraisingly for a few moments.

"Oh come on now. I know you know this. You're trying to affect this wholly separate manufactured personality, but what you're forgetting here is that manufactured personalities are my stock in trade. You and Kelly are the same person, no matter how much you try to separate it. Now, you may turn around and say that Kelly was the manufactured one, and maybe that's true - I have a hard time believing someone could be that pure myself. But irregardless, you're privy to what she's privy to."

He took a sip of water, and then continued, "But, if you're intent on continuing this charade, I'll give you a hint. I had sex with your best friend."

“Oh, no, I know that. That’s not quite what I was asking. I was asking why…” she shook her head with a smirk. “And it’s not so much a matter of personality… we’re separate people. Unfortunately, in all honesty, I think that if one of us is manufactured, it would be me… the accumulative product of all and any negative emotion that was encountered, and given form in me. It’s something I’ve been trying to understand.”

She paused and arched an eyebrow. Pushing her plate forwards slightly, she rested her elbows on the table and propped her head up on her hands.

“It’s funny. I can be way more honest with a jerk like you than all of the others I saw.”

Jay gave half of a smile. "A jerk like me, eh? I suppose. I suppose. So, what you're asking, to be concise, is 'why did I tap that?' Well, there's an easy answer, and a more complicated answer. The easy answer is simply because I could. I can't help but be tempted by the forbidden fruit, and no fruit is more forbidden than your girlfriend's lesbian best friend. I mean, that's at least four kinds of 'not supposed to do that'. That's a hard temptation for anyone who stands up to pee to turn down."

Then he paused and looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing, "But that's not really the reason. The reason really was because I didn't think that I was worthy of Kelly, and took essentially every opportunity to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy."

“Hm. Fake reason? Makes some kind of weird sense. Real reason? Has to be one of the dumbest reasons to do something that I’ve ever heard.” She stopped talking for a moment and frowned, wrinkling her nose slightly.

“I actually do remember talking to you. At least, I think I do. I was so… undeveloped then. I think you might have been the first person I spoke with before all of this. You took my control away. Made me helpless. I hate being helpless.”

"Well, it's not like I was consciously trying to toss her away," said Jay with a shrug. "That just seemed like what made the most sense after a while, and after the best therapists that money could rent were through with me. I don't know. It could just be pop psychology b.s. and I sexed up Meghan simply because I could. If it makes you happier, you can think of it like that. As for the other part…this has to do with that whole Cloak and Dagger and Venom thing, right? In any event…making people helpless is my schtick, so to speak. I get a certain rush out of it, you know, especially against people who are as powerful as you. Hell, one of the most fun things I have ever done is dropping Rogue out of the sky the first time the New Mutants and Hellions met."

Lisa gave a dismissive wave of her hand as she shook her head.

“Doesn’t really matter how I think of it. Either way, I find the whole situation a little funny…”

No. She didn’t.

Staring at the closed menu in front of her, Lisa considered the conversation, and understood what they were trying to achieve. She understood the punishment, and kicked herself mentally for not managing to understand it earlier. Maybe she had been happier before, when she was sure what she was made of. She may have been wrong, but it was safer. Finding out that she could know more than negative emotion… implied several things that were almost torturous for her to look into. And it also meant that she could hurt. Heck, she had been hurting just from talking to these people…

Casting her eyes down to avoid looking into his, she opened the menu and tried to change the topic.

“So, what do you recommend?”

Just as the people at the restaurant are faceless, the menu is strangely blank on the inside.

"I recommend you stop trying to dodge the issue and just say whatever it is you want to say," said Jay, seriously, reaching over for Lisa's hand. "You know there's no possible way I, of all people, can be judgmental about whatever it is. So tell me what's on your mind."

Ignoring him determinedly, she continued. “So, the scaloppini looks good. Actually, I don’t even know if this place serves scaloppini. Hell, I don’t even remember the specifics of this restaurant. What kind of restaurant is it?”

"Does it matter?" asked Jay, pulling the menu down to give him an unobstructed view of her. "We're not here for the food, after all. I'm here for something approaching closure, you're here for God knows what reason. I imagine if either is fulfilled, you'll move on. Personally, I think if we had sex right here on the table, I'd feel a measure of closure. And it's not like any of these people actually exist."

Jay winked roguishly, but it was hard to tell if he was being facetious or not. He got a light smack across the face with the blank menu for his troubles.

“God, you’re not even real, and you’re still that damn lecherous. Still, you can hardly get closure, ‘cause again, you’re not real.”

"You can't blame a guy for trying," mumbled Jay, under his breath.

Lisa closed the menu and rested her elbows on the table again, leaning forwards.

“Okay. Here’s the deal, right? I killed her, and I’ve killed, like, a couple of dozen of other people recently. Just anyone that I thought might be fun to kill. Two deities and a few demons, but they don’t count. A classroom of kids and their schoolmarm. T’be honest, she reminded me of that Frost woman. A couple of families. There are some more in there somewhere, but I’m having a hard time remembering… I mean, I’m hardly in the best of states right now.

So, the trouble seems to start there. There’s more, but this is what comes first. I didn’t feel anything, right? I mean, first, it felt fun. Like a cool li’l hobby. When I got her, it felt like a liberation. The kids… let’s not talk about that. The schoolmarm felt like revenge. But after a little, it started to go from being fun to being plain empty. There was nothing in it. And now… I don’t know – but I’m not supposed to feel regret, or bad, or anything – I’m not supposed to! I can do anything I want, however reprehensible it might be. I’m not supposed to feel anything about it…”

He rubbed his cheek slightly where he had been smacked, then spoke quite clearly and seriously, attempting to look Lisa in the eyes. "And maybe that's exactly why you're talking to me. I'm, in general, a reprehensible person. I've done any number of horrible and awful things, never murder precisely, but I can't say I'd be wholeheartedly opposed to it if I thought I could get away with it…"

He paused for a moment.

"Oh, yes," he continued. "I did more or less murder Kidd…at the very least, I intended to kill her, and, ironically, ended up saving her. I was completely disappointed by that, to be honest. I had a rock solid alibi."

Jay makes an exaggeratedly shocked face, "But Mr. Shaw! I was only trying to save the team!"

Then he grins slightly and resumes speaking. "Yes, I intended to kill her, because she was very irritating to me and because I could have gotten away with it. Some of the things I did to Meghan are completely unforgiveable too, and I did them deliberately and yet, at the same time, with no malice or feeling of any variety. But you know what? There's something about Kelly that made me actually have what most people would consider emotions, and it looks like you're in a similar boat. I imagine this is precisely why we are talking."

“God, I hope not,” she responded with a furrowed brow. “’Cause that would just be… ugh…”

With a shake of her head, she drummed her fingers on the table, and a construct of Kidd formed behind Jay, but dissipated before he could turn around and see it.

“I guess you could be right… I mean, I suppose it’s possible,” she admitted. “So, what, this is torture therapy,” she grinned sardonically. “That’s what this is all about, then,” she commented sarcastically, sighing heavily.

“I don’t know… I wasn’t made for this kind of thing. I mean, I literally should just be a swirling pool of negative emotion, anger an’ hate and all that jazz. Shouldn’t be… shouldn’t be…” she lowered her head into her hands and sighed yet again.

“I don’t know. I really don’t get this. It just feels so messed up, you know?”

"It doesn't seem like you really know much of anything right now," said Jay, completely seriously.

"No… I guess I don't," she replied, looking up and finding herself sitting at the table, alone again.

***


Re: Requiem For The Dreamed
Post by Kelly Alecia "Star Girl" Lisa on Sept 15, 2007, 3:38pm

This is the story of a scared girl.

She has never known anything else. She’s always been scared. She tried to be the best that she could, but all she knew was fear and anger and hate. It burned in her and it burned her. That much anger… it would burn anyone.

She never asked for the anger. She never asked for the hate. She never asked for the fear. All she ever wanted was to be… and to be happy. Just once.

She wanted to be good. To do something right. Something that would make people happy. But she never knew how.

She wanted to move past the fear… but how do you move past you’re made of? How do you move past… everything you are? Every little bad thing, every negative emotion that she ever came across… it just flew right into her, making her whole. Making her from that tiny little speck of shadow in someone else… into something else entirely. Something new. Someone new.

She hated herself for being the way she was. But what’s more, is she hated herself for the way she came to be, and who she came from. It was never what she would have wanted, but she never had a choice in the matter. Never a word. Just… existence. She could never do anything about it… could she?

She could end herself. She could end herself and the fear and the hate and the anger and make the world better… even if it was just a tiny bit, it would make the world better. And that was what she wanted to do, right? Make someone – anyone – happy?

But that wouldn’t be the end of the story. The Qlippoth needed a servant – needed a slave. Willingness would not be important. She could end herself physically… but as a soul, she would still be there, wouldn’t she? And really, that was all they needed to make her last time…

Nothing she could do, she told herself. Nothing she could do. Over and over again. It was the only thing that kept the stain she thought her soul was from devouring itself. The only thing that kept her sane.

She laughed slightly at that. Was she even sane? She supposed that she could well be… Sanity is subjective, after all… Would it even matter if she wasn’t? It wouldn’t ever make any difference…

But she had finally found the chance to make someone happy… the Qlippoth – if she served them right then they wouldn’t disappear… and they would be happy, right? She’d have done something right. She’d have made someone happy.

And wasn’t that what was important?

No… no, she needed to be something else. She needed another way. Something beyond the hate. But even as she wanted this – as she needed it, she could see something that had made so many others more… what she came from had enough herself. Friendship. True friends. And she hated her for it. She hated herself even more because she would never have any.

All she wanted was to do something good, but all she could do was what she knew. All she knew was fear. Tiphareth briefly showed her something more, and then ripped it away from her again. She wanted to step towards light… but she was shadow. She never could. She could only hide away.

She could see Wildfire once more. Kelly had always been so sure of Wildfire. Anything that was ever wrong, Wildfire could fix. She could see her again, and if she could only reach her, then all of it would fade away. It would all be set right.

Her arm rose slowly, stretching out for Wildfire again. She had just to reach out for her. She had just to reach for her, and she could learn to be more… Wildfire would show her. After all, she had done it for herself, hadn’t she?

But she didn’t deserve it, she told herself. Her arm fell back down to her side.

Placing her face in her hands, she let the moans of the damned swim over her… teaching her just what she really was, and what to be… everything that made her… what it really meant. And she cried for them, until she drifted away.

This is the story of a scared girl who wanted desperately to be more… all she needed was for someone to show her how.


Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 License.